I don't even know what to write
I know that is has been a while since I’ve written a blog.
Things have changed so fast that I just don’t even know what to say.
I’ve been anxiously scouring Reddit for news about the virus. I’m awaiting Twitter updates from one of the doctors in town who is testing and constantly posting about updates. I’m headed to the store every few days in hopes I can get my hands on some toilet paper because we will probably be out in a couple of weeks. I’m calling my family more than I have in a long time.
Everyone’s races and events have been canceled or postponed. Some people seem to think everything will just go away in a couple of weeks and life will come back to normal. I don’t know if we will ever get back to normal, to be honest. I think this is going to change everything.
The other day I had a conversation with my boyfriend about how I don’t even know what I’m working toward — my goals. My bike rides this summer probably won’t happen. My fundraiser is dead in its tracks, and I don’t know if it will even feel good asking for money anymore.
Our gym is closed, and I miss teaching my crew on Wednesday and Saturday. I miss Sprint so bad, and the silly, sweaty mess that I feel like after Water in Motion. My classes and my fellow instructors bring me so much joy, and I feel a little empty without that.
I won a bike in a contest 2 weeks ago and that doesn’t even seem to matter anymore. I’ve received no word about it (yes, it was legit) and I just don’t even know if that’s going to happen anymore. I really was excited about it. But now it just feels like it’s getting lost in the sea of everything else, and who cares. Am I selfish to wish that I had that bike right now? I don’t know. Part of me thinks so. There’s so much else to worry about, right? But maybe a little bit deep down inside I’m clinging to the hope that it would make me feel better, even if only for a tiny little while.
So, all this is to say … I am scared and I am bummed. My anxiety has been pretty high lately. I have minimal contact with people, but every time someone coughs, I just feel that tension rise up inside of me. The empty grocery shelves make me want to break down and cry. I just feel so helpless.
But the world keeps turning.
I’ve been trying to hug my dogs a little more, and take them on longer walks to get some extra sunshine. I am still training, and probably a little harder than before because my legs are sore and I am doing more home workouts thanks to Les Mills On Demand being free through this rough time. I need a rock to lean on, and even though it’s small right now, it’s at least still there.
I’m happy to see us working together, most of us anyway. I’m happy to see people supporting each other and caring so much about each other, so much so that we are hiding away to keep everyone safe from this invisible thing. It’s amazing how much has changed and how people have adapted in such a short time to keep us all together, to keep us all strong.
Keep it up, world. Keep it up. We need each other more than ever. We need to LISTEN and HELP each other more than ever. We need to RESPECT each other more than ever.