Step 3: Rebuild

Who are we, really?

What are the things that make us us? How many different lenses do we have to view ourselves through to get the true picture of who and what we really are? And how many of those lenses make a difference?

How many of our personality traits are only defined because they are against cultural norms? Like, sure, I’m short in relation to the average height of a woman, I suppose. Am I also more or less arrogant? More or less stubborn? More or less opportunistic? More or less kind?

What if I’m less kind than average, but still choose to say that I’m a kind person? Does that not matter?

OK, sorry for the billion questions.

The point I’m trying to get across is that what makes us who we are is not really as simple as it seems.

We play hundreds and thousands of different roles throughout our lifetime. Each time our status changes, our self — and everything that comes along with that — changes, too.

When I started teaching group fitness, I was no longer a participant, but a leader in the same space,. What was once maybe a passive role had become an active and influential role.

I’m still the same woman who loves a killer core workout! So how did that change change me?

In so many ways! It’s made me more appreciative of the people around me because they are excited to not only work out, but to work out with me. It’s made me more conscious of how I am moving, how I am presenting myself and modeling the workout, in order to be the best role model for each exercise. It’s also made me more devoted to the program I’m teaching. If I didn’t fully believe in it, why would I want others to believe in it, too?

Just like that, what seems like a small decision or a small change can have a huge impact on how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you.

We make micro-changes and micro-decisions like these on a daily basis.

More often than not, the little things don’t define us, but the accumulation of little things eventually add up to a big thing. If it’s consistent and persistent, then it’s pretty much your normal, right?

It’s not just one piece of the puzzle but thousands of pieces together that create the image.

I’ve been wondering how colorful and complete my finished puzzle has been lately.

As I start to think about all the pieces I need to assemble myself again, I’m realizing that my puzzle is large, complex and extremely colorful. It’s something I’m really proud.

The puzzle pieces of my life used to be monotone, and what was my “complete” puzzle at the time was something I’d never hang up on the wall.

Over the years I’ve slowly changed that monotone masterpiece into something a lot more vivid and refreshing.

Maybe this sounds like some sort of spiritual awakening, I don’t know. I wouldn’t say it was that. The truth is that I really just started reaching out for help and started trying new things, new ways of looking at the world and new ways of treating myself.

I was sick of feeling like I had no control over the way things were. Even though, ultimately, life will do what it will do, there really are more things that I could control than I once cynically believed.

One by one, these small changes started to make a big difference in my life.

The stomach aches went away. The tiredness started to fade. The negative thoughts were met with positivity and forgiveness. New opportunities started arriving at my doorstep — and I now had the courage and self-esteem to say yes to them.

Even, ultimately, when one of the biggest rejections of my life stabbed me like a dagger, I found the silver lining and the opportunity to turn it into something I’m immensely proud of.

So here we are — the puzzle pieces of Julie, starting to come together again in a brand new way.

I’m so excited to begin rebuilding this life.

No part of any of this has been easy, not even in the slightest. Some days are hard and filled with immense sorrow and longing. Others are incredible and marked by intense joy and excitement.

But you know what? We roll with it. We roll with it because it’s worth it. When today seems unbearable, have faith that tomorrow will ease the hurt. When today seems like the most amazing memory you’ve had yet, take a deep breathe and enjoy every single second of that moment.

I hope that your puzzle can be a full spectrum of color, a little bit of chaos, and a lot of things that you’ll be hella proud to show off to others.