Reflecting on 33 years, and 365 days of sobriety
I gave up alcohol, for good, for the second time on the eve of my birthday last year.
We had a small get-together, and I had a couple beers. The next day, on my birthday, I just didn’t feel like drinking.
I haven’t drank since. I just don’t want to.
And so I welcomed in a new perspective on sobriety throughout my entire year of age 33.
Not with a bang, but with a whimper. It wasn’t hard, it was kinda simple …
I’m just done with it. I’m tired of the party hard lifestyle. I’m tired of feeling like crap. I’m tired of being unhealthy. I’m tired of putting so much effort into something that was slowly and assuredly killing me. I’m tired of people constantly asking me why I’m not drinking at that particular time. I’m tired of it being a contest to see who can drink the most or who drank the most or who is going to drink the most at any given time.
I don’t know why alcohol culture is the way it is. I don’t get it. I don’t get it even though I participated in it for so many years. I can’t even look back and tell you why, or tell you I was proud, or even tell you that I got anything out of it except some crazy stories that I barely remember (which, well, they make me laugh but also make me feel a little bad inside. Some make me feel really bad.)
I’ve made a lot of meaningful connections since giving up alcohol. Most of the friends that alcohol brought me are gone. OK, all of the friends that alcohol brought me are gone. Because there was nothing there but the bond of booze.
Since that was all I did, that was all there was.
I’ve gotten better at branching out, trying new things. Some of those things I’m even good at, imagine that.
I never thought I’d be good at anything. … That’s the old me talking. That was the me that never tried.
Now I’m trying so hard that I actually am failing pretty spectacularly too. I’m setting the bar high, and there’s been so many misses. There’s been paths I’ve walked down where I decided that’s not where I wanted to end up, so I just turned around and went a different way. I’m happy that one of those paths is no longer leading me to self-destruction and an early death, that I no longer sit around feeling sorry for myself because things didn’t go the way I wanted them to.
I’m not here to say that my choice is the right choice for everybody. But I do hope that you give it a try.
What is life without alcohol like? Are you more productive? Do you feel better? Can you achieve your goals more easily? Do your friends still call you because they enjoy spending time with you doing fun things other than drinking? Can you find something to occupy your time other than drink?
For me, I started searching for an answer. I thought there had to be something better out there. I imagined a life where I didn’t feel like crap every single day. Maybe I could be someone who inspires other people, like I’ve always dreamed of doing. And so I gave it a try. A real try, though, because you can’t do something for a few days and say you really gave it your heart and soul.
The first time I tried, I made it over a year, and I thought that maybe it was just me being in a better place in my life. It wasn’t, though. I quickly fell back into that bad place. And so it was finally time to let it go.
I became a SPRINT spinning instructor, I started on my education path to becoming a personal trainer, I learned several new hobbies, I picked up a new sport, I lost weight, I reduced my cancer risk, I improved my VO2 max (37 in January 2019, now 52 in June 2020), I sold my house and moved in with my boyfriend, I rekindled friendships that mean a lot to me, I got a new job that is challenging me to grow, and I continue to seek and sign up for new opportunities as they come (doing CX WORKS training in September, as well as signing up for the NASM personal trainer certification test)!
Yeah, I’d say I don’t quite need the alcohol rush anymore. Now I get it elsewhere.
It was fun while it lasted, but nothing gold can stay.
Year 33 ended and year 34 is beginning in a pandemic. There’s a lot going on politically right now. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
I can guarantee I’ll be up and ready for it, though.